Dog Dictionary-Part 1

Dog Bed: Any soft , clean surface , such as the white
bedspread in the guest room of the newly upholstered
couch in the living room.

*Drool: What you do when your human has food and
you don’t. To do this properly, you must sit as close
as you can, look sad, and let the drool fall on their
shoes, or better yet, on their lap.

*Garbage can: An aromatic container that your neighbors
put out once a week to test your ingenuity.
Stand on your hind legs and push the lid off. If you
do it right, you are rewarded with paper to shred,
bones to consume, and stale pieces of bread to scatter
throughout the neighborhood.

*Leash: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling
you to lead your human everywhere you want him
or her to go.

*Sniff: A social custom to use when you greet other
dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other
dog’s rear end and inhale deeply; repeat several
times, or until your human makes you stop.

A Fly, Fish, Bear Hunter, Mouse & A Cat!

A Fly, Fish, Bear Hunter, Mouse & A Cat!

This is a story about A Fly, a Fish, a Bear A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.

There is a moral to this story.....

In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.

The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,

'Gosh... if I go down three inches

I will feel the mist

From the water and I will be refreshed.'

There was a fish in the water thinking,

'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'

There was a bear on the shore thinking,

'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches

That fish will jump for the fly...

And I will grab the fish!!'

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank

Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....

'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...

And that fish leaps for it...

That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish.

I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'

Now, you probably think this is

Enough activity on one river bank,

But I can tell you there's more...

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,

'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...

And that fish jumps for that fly..

And that bear grabs for that fish..

The dumb hunter will shoot the bear

And drop his cheese sandwich.'

A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,

(as was fashionable to do on the banks of

This particular river around lunch time)

'Gosh... if that fly goes down three inches..

And that fish jumps for that fly

And that bear grabs for that fish

And that hunter shoots that bear..

And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich .

Then I can have mouse for lunch.'

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he

Heads down for the cooling mist of the water.

The fish swallows the fly...

The bear grabs the fish..

The hunter shoots the bear..

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

The cat jumps for the mouse..

The mouse ducks...

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

NOW, The Moral Of The Story....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches,

Some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.

Didn't see that one coming, did you?

Mars Bar

Mars Bar
I remember when I was a wee nipper, we had a down syndrome lad who always used to ride around the village on his pushbike, who we rather fondly dubbed "Spaggy Richard".
Unfortunately for him, he was gullible as ducks, so when my friend told him that the dogshit that was under a car tyre was a mars bar, he picked it up and started chewing on it while "Mmmmmm"-ing loudly.
Good old Spaggy Richard.